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Do Friends Get Benefits?

Jacq

Hi, Jacq - 

Occupational question: my wife and I work in IT and as soon as people hear that, BAM they pull out all their broken shit for us to look at. I'm guessing it's the equivalent of a doctor getting a "hey, could you take a look at this thing on my neck" during dinner parties. So, my question is, do acquaintances and friends ever ask for free dances, etc? Just wondering if the whole doing your bread and butter for free some friends feel entitled to carries over to your industry.

Best, 

E

Hi, E! Thanks for your email! I'm sorry for all the times I've done this to your fellow comrades in the information and technologies camp. I try not to do this which means I definitely do it more than I should.

How this pertains to stripping is different for a number of reasons. My job is pretty sexual, and I'm not really solving any problems by dry-humping a friend. If anything, I'm creating a few. 


Here's the thing: if I know you in real life, my magic doesn't work on you. Dry-humping a stranger? Totally fun and hot. Dry-humping someone I know? See below:

 

I do, however, field A LOT of questions about my job. People are curious. The fact that I'm standing upright with all my teeth in my mouth is so remarkable to some people because the narrative driven by mainstream media paints all strippers as sad, pathetic messes. (If you're new to this blog SURPRISE strippers are people who come from all walks of life. Just like at your job, some people are more into drugs than others and some people have better access to dental care.) Every twenty-something lady I meet at a goddamn cocktail party is like 'OMG I COULD TOTALLY BE A STRIPPER" (Then stop talking about it and fucking DO IT, dear. You're cute but I don't want to talk about what you *think* you're capable of all night. Save that for your weekly dinner with your parents). New men I meet usually look me up and down, and wonder what I look like naked (If you think you're doing a good job at hiding this, you're not. I see you).

The ONE TIME I gave a free lap dance was for this guy's birthday. I had never met him, but his roommate was like "OMG when he walks in the door just give him a lap dance, ok?" And so I did. I was wearing clothes and it was fun, but now that I think of it, he was a stranger to me at the time. The first time I met him was when I plopped myself on his lap and whipped my pixie cut back and forth (it was a long time ago). So this all goes back to no-I-don't-dance-for-friends. It's fucking weird. It's weird for me, and it's weird for them. Whenever I give a glimpse of my 'character' to friends (my voice goes up a whole octave) they're like, "Please stop, you're scaring me." 

What does suck up my time from friends and family is like I'm fucking Hitch or some shit. Dating advice, makeup advice, fitness advice, dating advice dating advice dating advice (mostly for straight people but there is the occasional homo-exception).

Let's throw this out to my fellow strippers: Do you get asked for free lap dances? Do you give them? PRAY TELL HOW DO YOUR CIVILIAN PALS ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF YOU? 

And finally - NYC friends, colleagues and allies! I'm doing a reading on June 15 at Strand Bookstore. Charlotte Shane is a literary goddess and has invited me on to her reading series, Bad Advice from Bad Women. You need tickets for this one, so grab 'em before they're gone!