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Stripper Knows Best: HAVE I BEEN PLAYED?


Hi, Jacq

I've been seeing a stripper for about a year at her club. She tells me how wonderful I am, can't believe I'm single, I'm one of the most important people in her life. I've asked her out, but she keeps things vague on why she can't. I have her number, she has mine, but she only contacts me to come in to see her.

She has also told me about her children and quite a bit about her life, but no real name. When I asked if she knew someone who would like to go out with me, during a private dance, she had sex with me. I have NEVER asked her for that. Have I been played this entire time? Just a very confusing situation for me. Any answer would be a big help.

Thank you for your time,



Hi, Dave

Thanks for reaching out. It looks like you've got a special relationship with this dancer. She must make you pretty happy if you've been going back to see her all this time.

There seems to be a lot of uncertainty around this relationship, ultimately that you want more from her. It sounds like you'd like to date her. But the only question you asked me is "Have I been played this entire time?"

You are a client, Dave. There is nothing wrong with being a client. What is wrong is to assume that you've been played. You're the one who keeps going in to see her. As a dancer, she seems to have kept up her end of the bargain. She makes you smile, listens to you, and lets you know when she's working so you can see her as often as possible. It sounds like she has pretty established boundaries: she keeps your encounters within the walls of the club (where us dancers feel safe) and she doesn't disclose her legal name (duh). In my experience, this is the smartest and safest way to be a stripper. And then she did something different. You had sex.

Boundaries are tricky because they can bend, stretch or retract over time. How you spend your time in the club can change, but the time is still time spent inside the club. If you're confused about this sex act you two shared, you need to ask her about it, not a stranger on the internet.

You need to be asking yourself if you can accept this relationship as it is right now: You are a client and she is a dancer. It will probably always be this way. Like all clients, you gotta pay to play. If you want to put the blame on the service provider you've actively been seeking out for an entire year, you are only playing yourself.

Good luck,