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The Optimized Revenue Fragrance Collection

Jacq

Last night I was sitting next to a chick who smelled JUST LIKE A CABBAGE PATCH DOLL. I wanted to press my face into her hair and be transported to my childhood. But I couldn't because she was too busy making bank.

I was inspired. 

Scent is hugely powerful and wildly persuasive. And if you smell right to the client, he becomes a human ATM machine.

And so I have created the Optimized Revenue Fragrance Collection:

 

Strawberry Shortcake

The working title for this one was Vanilla Bean Teen Dream. "It reminds you of being a teenager and what girls smelled like back then," offered my girl Valerie Stunning as I watched her lather herself in saccharine glittery moisturizer (girl obv. makes bank)

 

Just Masturbated (and rubbed it everywhere) 

Because pussy juice is magic.

 

Hint of Ass

Because this is one of the most common requests I get as a dancing naked woman:

 

Eau de Pizza

Who doesn't love the smell of tomatoes and melting cheese? And since being hungry can often be confused with being horny (I mean really need they be mutually exclusive?) this is a surefire spritz to success. 

 

Ok that's my billion-dollar fragrance idea, come at me, L'Oreal. 

 

brb going to get a whole pizza for myself now.