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STRIPPER KNOWS BEST: Smooth Crotches

Jacq

It's about to get real: 

HOW ARE STRIPPERS SO FLAWLESS AND HOW CAN ROOKIE STRIPPERS AND CIVILIANS ALIKE ACHIEVE SUCH PERFECTION?

Jo, a devout reader, posed the followed question: 

I have a question only a really cool stripper would be able to answer. How do you keep your vulva so smooth and bump-free when you shave? I noticed on one of your photos how perfectly smooth your crotch area was. 

EXCELLENT QUESTION!

Jo, 

Thanks for your email! I don't know what to say beyond "I photoshop razor burn" and "razor burn happens to us all." 

Otherwise I shave down. WITH the grain. A lot of strippers are big on exfoliating. I usually forget my louffa when I make for the shower. 

I believe the image in question was this one:

I distinctly remember photoshopping my crotch area (and ONLY my crotch area, my legs really are (were?) that fine) before uploading it to the internet last year

Truth: I barely shave. I mean I DO, but I do a shit job at it. My German ancerstry or whatever makes it less visible since the carpet does match the drapes. But honestly, I just don't care that much for a perfect shave. Like, if a mosquito is trying to bite my precious calf, guess who sends me the notification before the damage is done? MY BRILLIANT LEG HAIR. 

Before I started stripping I was all about waxing. I don't know about you guys, but even if my leg hair is blonde, that shit is COARSE AS FUCK and grows back like a medieval torture device. As a stripper, I just can't wait that long for it to grow long enough for waxing. So I just use some conditioner and the free razor at my fancy gym, drag it along my bikini area, and hope for the best. 

Smoothness is a fucking myth, y'all. GLAD I HAD YOU KIDS STUMPED FOR SO LONG, THO. That made my goddamn day.