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GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS! Pumps Pinups Variety Show


Last night was dope. 

My wife took me on a date to Pumps where Brooklyn's finest rippers put together the ultimate spectacle of tits and glitz. 

Hosted by the velevet-voiced and endlessly charismatic Spank Sinatra, Girls! Girls! Girls! donated proceeds of the event to Persist Health Project. There was music, a raffle, alcohol and hotties everywhere. There were so many SMILING strippers I thought I had died and gone to hell because, well, strippers don't usually smile (we tend to make less money when men think we're happy). 

I was so proud and hard for my stripper sisters last night, y'all. 

Let me start by declaring my love for Sinister Shabzzz and all her flexible, no-fucks-given glory. 

Then  ̶J̶e̶r̶r̶y̶ ̶H̶a̶l̶l̶ Sunny Serrano showed up, backed her fine ass up the pole backwards and reminded me that I need to do more squats. 

Zoe Stardust kept it intimate with her svelte curves and insistence that we all stay hydrated.

And then it got SO JAIL-BAITY. 

I bet this babe tells clients she's twelve. She probably already owns four houses. 

I fell in love twenty times over. Thank you Pumps Pinups for the Sunday worship.